Introduction

Its been along time since I decided to do any real writing, and a really long time since I have felt the need to share about experiences in my life. I do so now, because I feel it useful to people who have similar problems to voice them. The problem that I have felt is that voicing the problem can lead to judgement. With that feeling comes fear and an increase in anxiety, but having lived with this disability almost half of my total life I can say that there is a liberating feeling when you talk to others and let them know you have a problem. I see a lot of pictures and bumper sticker type sayings like "I may be smiling, but that doesn't mean everything is alright." I know the sentiment and love the meaning behind these pictures, but I have a problem with what used to be common. I speak of a child like innocence, where we were able to express ourselves without feeling guilty or less of a person. Though, I admit it is easier to put the sign on and wish everyone could just guess how I truly feel, I have found that putting aside the fear and grasping faith can lead to a better understanding and development of your self.

 Depression and Anxiety hasn't been known as a real disability for a very long time. Given its relative growing state people have started to change there mindset or viewpoints towards how we perceive disabilities. This type of illness can be triggered by any number of factors, but because I have lived with it doesn't make me an expert in any of them. I know that mine seems to be more of a chemical deficiency, but there are mental scares so to speak that are hurdles in my recovery. My doctor told me that each person has a given amount of "happy juice" and that some are given more to use than others. I can imagine this to be true as a person I always see happy, has some of the most difficult problems I can imagine. I marvel at the way each brain is wired to give us a different experiences in life. For example I have at least 4 members of my family who have mental illness, the others have not been diagnosed, but may have a type as well. Though, it can be a genetically shared it doesn't mean that you all have the same issue, or that the same medicine will work on each family member. I won't share specifics about my family, because they should have a choice on whether or not their problems are shared. There are many types of Mental Illness, more than I could ever name, the one thing that seems to be the common factor. We are all lumped together, and judged the same. Even though people can tell others apart more easily than others it doesn't change their awarness to the fact that people suffer differently.

This being my first blog I want to say thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope that through the course of my disclosure you will be able to help others or be comforted to know that others are feeling the same pain and frustration as you. I would also like to say that although I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I do not speak for them or are any of my views or opinons the stance of the church. I hope to share with you again soon!