Father's Day

I recently had a heart felt talk about fathers. I learned that fathers were a subject of great complexity, and deep rooted injuries where left. Instead of focusing on the earthly mistakes of those fathers, I asked her to think about Heavenly Father the Creator of our souls. I mentioned that on Father's Day we seem to forget that Father and discount his example for the ones that are around us at the time.

I had a lot on my mind as I thought about what to talk about this post, but what kept coming to me over and over again was that my Father in Heaven loves me, and wants me to succeed. We have been given trials, not to weigh us down, but to give us the need to find strength. It is not a task we can do alone. Like fathers watch their children, Heavenly Father watches us and wishes to protect us from the harm of this life. I know this personally as I watch my two sons grow and make child like mistakes. Liam for instance, fell and cut his lip open, and it would require stitches. My heart ached knowing the damage the cut had done, but I felt a sorrow that, in this his childhood would be left with a scar as well. What I didn't realize was his personal resilience to overcome the injury, and to heal both body and mind. I learned a fraction of how our father must see us, knowing our stumbling blocks and watching us crash against the tides of life. I also felt the joy watching when my boys make a great choice, or help others to follow the example of Christ, and for a instant I feel a portion of our Fathers happiness in them.

Being a father happens over night. You progress through life growing upon what you have been taught and what you have come to understand. When you are growing you have a father to watch, I'm lucky enough to have a father in my life that has shown me traits in which I would like to emulate and use in my own life. I also had the opportunity to have an example not to follow. Though, it still has brought some pain, I'm glad for both the good and the bad, because as in the fall of Adam and Eve, we cannot know pleasure without knowing pain. We cannot give pleasure and joy without first experiencing sorrow, and how to uplift those who are suffering as we have suffered. How could we know how to succor our children if we did not fall and bruise our knees, and have someone there to succor us. In this way we are given the gift of life to follow the greatest example.

 Living with my disability has brought me closer to understanding the love our Father in Heaven has for us. I have gotten to be closer to my children, and have a greater understanding of how to guide them through the turbulant waters of life. I hope that you will feel the spirit in which this is written, and that you will know that Christ our elder brother, suffered your pain that he would know how to succor you. That he felt, the worst pain, that people with mental illness can feel, the seperation of the comforting spirit and from our Father, still to feel the lingering pain in our bodies and minds. Our fathers here on Earth and in Heaven want to guide us. I only hope that fathers will take the time given to them to place their hands on their child's shoulders, place their lips to their forhead and let them know, you our there to love and protect them. Especially now this Father's Day.

Introduction

Its been along time since I decided to do any real writing, and a really long time since I have felt the need to share about experiences in my life. I do so now, because I feel it useful to people who have similar problems to voice them. The problem that I have felt is that voicing the problem can lead to judgement. With that feeling comes fear and an increase in anxiety, but having lived with this disability almost half of my total life I can say that there is a liberating feeling when you talk to others and let them know you have a problem. I see a lot of pictures and bumper sticker type sayings like "I may be smiling, but that doesn't mean everything is alright." I know the sentiment and love the meaning behind these pictures, but I have a problem with what used to be common. I speak of a child like innocence, where we were able to express ourselves without feeling guilty or less of a person. Though, I admit it is easier to put the sign on and wish everyone could just guess how I truly feel, I have found that putting aside the fear and grasping faith can lead to a better understanding and development of your self.

 Depression and Anxiety hasn't been known as a real disability for a very long time. Given its relative growing state people have started to change there mindset or viewpoints towards how we perceive disabilities. This type of illness can be triggered by any number of factors, but because I have lived with it doesn't make me an expert in any of them. I know that mine seems to be more of a chemical deficiency, but there are mental scares so to speak that are hurdles in my recovery. My doctor told me that each person has a given amount of "happy juice" and that some are given more to use than others. I can imagine this to be true as a person I always see happy, has some of the most difficult problems I can imagine. I marvel at the way each brain is wired to give us a different experiences in life. For example I have at least 4 members of my family who have mental illness, the others have not been diagnosed, but may have a type as well. Though, it can be a genetically shared it doesn't mean that you all have the same issue, or that the same medicine will work on each family member. I won't share specifics about my family, because they should have a choice on whether or not their problems are shared. There are many types of Mental Illness, more than I could ever name, the one thing that seems to be the common factor. We are all lumped together, and judged the same. Even though people can tell others apart more easily than others it doesn't change their awarness to the fact that people suffer differently.

This being my first blog I want to say thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope that through the course of my disclosure you will be able to help others or be comforted to know that others are feeling the same pain and frustration as you. I would also like to say that although I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I do not speak for them or are any of my views or opinons the stance of the church. I hope to share with you again soon!